Girl Physics

Be sure to be quiet
In the middle of the night
When the dogs are asleep
And the wind is high
Grab our things wait
By the window
I’ll meet you by your window

And we’ll make no tracks in the snow
We’ll follow the lakes to where the
Cold north wind will
Cover for us both
So we can hide

And if we survive
The cold and the night in the dead of winter
We’ll watch the sun rise on the ice
Together

And if we are to die
Tonight
In your arms
I’ll lay
And it never felt better
And at least we’ll leave here together

In the still of the night
My bare hands
Your pale skin
Reflected in the moonlight
And we pray
And we pray
To the wind
And your hands
And my hands
As soft as the sunlight
When the day begins
And as cold as the night blows in

And if we are to die tonight
I pray with my heart
That you’ll love me forever
And at least we will leave here together

Artist:  Said the Whale

Album:  Islands Disappear

Buy this album.  omg.

Just venting…

Let me just say that things are quite clearer and less dramatic when you and me are stoned.  When just I am stoned I have to fear the other’s reaction.

He is such a lion, so powerful.  With my life & future all up in the air,…I fear so much that I have realized the real truth about my boyfriend.

I am scared that my stoner-intuition (which might I add, is the most POWERFUL intuition & feeling you will experience about another person) is trying to warn me what I might be in store for.

Being with this dude, a few months now…with a history of talking online for around 3 years or so, I fear that I have wasted this whole time…..to be with someone that I thought’s humor and sexual companionship as well as unexplainable attraction would mean nothing in the ‘long-run’ of my life.

If I can’t be with this dude for the rest of my life, then what am I wasting my time for?

It’s a big ass fear/ (emphasis on the SLASH) feeling I have when I get stoned.

Most the time I think, “Whoa, I have been here a long time”

I have NOTHING to show for it besides being missed.

I am so scared, more scared than ever.  What am I doing staying at my boyfriend’s apartment?  Does he know how much

He just walked in the room and vomited his drunk feelings towards me.  As if I asked for NAY deserved it.  In all reality, I know I truly am a selfish daughter, taking things for granted.

He fears sympathy towards me.  How could anyone EVER spend the rest of their lives with someone like that?  When I am drunk and stoned I want to repeat those kinds of thoughts over and over in my head to remember how true it feels/is.

He will probably apologize and try and fuck tonight, and I will feel guilty if I don’t let him, and LET him, or I will pretend I am drunk/asleep and he will jack off, or whatever.

My family is very close.  My parents are sick, old, ageing very quickly, unhealthy, all the things you don’t want your parents to be….EVER.

I am away from making them happy to decipher whether an easily transitional-personality male is marriage material.

Man, today I realized how old I am.  Well, actually how out-of-shape I am.  I guess the two can easily fall into the same category.  Jogging definately decreases my depression from not having a job.  Its just that I hate it.  Thats all, nuff said.

I also realized that if you are not used to cumming while standing up, it can leave your back & neck quite sore the next day.

Coffee is more addicting than sex.  I tried quitting coffee yesterday so I can start that master clense shit everyone talks about, instead I ended up with a migrane.  Waking up this morning with a migrane, I decided to go jogging to see if it will go away.

WRONG

So now I am chillin with some nice iced coffee tap dancing my little fingers off with the door open to let some fresh Louisiana air in this boy pad.

Instant chat message pop up just now:

Boyfriend 4:14 pm
i cant wait till u r ready to come milk my dick
Me 4:14 pm
thats all u care about

I miss having my car.  Hopefully I can get that out here soon and be able to leave this place whenever I feel and go exploring.  Or, just to like, drive around and smoke this horrible weed that I am almost out of.

‘The Secret’ works so be very careful WHO you use it on.  My boyfriend is addicted to ejaculating.  From the moment he wakes up to right before bed.  I didn’t know the lyrics in his music and vulgarity in his cartoons were literal.  I just thought he was innocently nasty.  Not that I don’t mind getting him off.  But being his first girlfriend who has ever made him cum from a blow job is a very dangerous position to be in.  My poor lips, and pride.  He calls out shit when he cums, and its hard to ignore being called “YOU FUCKING BITCH/WHORE/SLUT” or “I HATE YOU.”  Is this something to worry about?  IDK.  He makes me feel twice as good.  But I dont need to feel that 24/7, I like some down time.  Like, to go to the bathroom.  Oh, and he is into human waste too.

Whats a girl to do.

Anyways, having no job I can’t seem to escape his constant boners.  Its hot, but then its like, scary, idk.